I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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