mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
