it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
