He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
