Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
