fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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