be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
