At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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