i think my tv is drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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