I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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