well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
