I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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