Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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