Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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