She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Found your dick twin last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
