I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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