Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
