I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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