I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
