eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
