I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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