Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
