just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
