No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
