my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
