More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
