If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
