trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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