yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
