Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
