dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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