tonight lets celebrate not being married
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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