Duck Duck Cougar?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
