ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
