it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
