literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
