You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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