went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my sisters under your porch take her home
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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