We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
