He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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