we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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