margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
