P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
