12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
