started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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