ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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