I can tuck mytits in my pants
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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