i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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