I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
