if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
