if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
