Umm I'm too high to move.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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