Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
