I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
