I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
