And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
