Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
