She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
