i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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