even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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