fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
