You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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