somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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