Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
