it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
