I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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