are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
