id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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